


Five Times Cecil Thinks He's Going To Die (and two times he actually does)

by allhailthegaycloud



Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: Broken Bones, Dissociation, M/M, Major Character Injury, Major Character Undeath, Mirrors, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-25
Updated: 2020-09-25
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:27:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 963
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26646001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/allhailthegaycloud/pseuds/allhailthegaycloud
Summary: !!!SPOILERS FOR WTNV EP 171: GO TO THE MIRROR!!!Cecil keeps dying. He doesn't know how to feel about it.
Relationships: Carlos/Cecil Palmer
Kudos: 19





	Five Times Cecil Thinks He's Going To Die (and two times he actually does)

**Author's Note:**

> warnings: major character death, broken bones, derealization/dissociation, choking, mirror horror, handcuffs, borderline suicidal ideation and actions, please tell me if I need to tag anything else, this is really heavy for my first work whoops

The first time Cecil thinks he's going to die, he's just a kid.

The swingset creaks a little as he swings; his mother said it was here before Cal, so it must be pretty old.

He's almost got a full loop at this point. He can't let his hands slip; that would hurt. He swings and swings, and he's soaring over the bar at the top of the swingset, and in the thrill of being upside down he lifts his hands.

And then Cecil is falling, air rushing by his ears.

_Crack!_

For a moment, Cecil just breathes. The clouds drift by against the faint yellows and pinks of the beginning of sunset and he breathes.

He sits up and shifts his legs, and white-hot pain hits his nerves like a book flung by a displeased librarian hits the library window.

He bursts into tears, calling for his mother. When his mother arrives, she leans over him and asks him a question.

"Why are you crying when you don't even exist?"

\---------------------

The second time Cecil thinks he's going to die, everything has changed.

He's a teenager now, living his dream of working for Leonard Burton at the radio station. His mother left last year, leaving Abby to raise him, and he feels just the tiniest bit guilty about that.

He's recording a test tape for Leonard- Mr. Burton in the station bathroom when he realizes he should have known his mother was telling the truth when he broke his leg on the swings.

Behind him in the uncovered mirror, something is flickering. It gets closer and closer.

Something grabs his neck, and he screams, and chokes, and the world goes dark around him.

\-------------------

The third time Cecil thinks he's going to die, he is completely alone in a room of people who care immensely about him.

He's handcuffed, amidst the rest of the chaos. There is singing, and screaming, and fire, and then there isn't.

There's just nothing.

"You never know what could happen. Nothing can be trusted."

Voices in nothingness usually means you're dead, doesn't it?

Then why can he still feel his heartbeat?

The voice continues, and Cecil feels...almost sad, for whoever this is. It just wants to be happy. Doesn't everyone?

"Night Vale is a nice town, don't you think?" the voice says, and then Cecil registers it.

"Hiram?" he asks. "Is that you?"

"Only part of Hiram," he answers. Just the Violet head, who wanted nothing more to protect the mayor, and who knew no one better to do it.

And there is Violet, and there is an angry, furious, lonely Cecil.

And then there is just Cecil and the remains of an opera house, and Cecil ~~hopes~~ wonders if he should have died right then.

\-------------------------

The fourth time Cecil thinks he's going to die, he does not remember.

Huntokar has taken their sky, their world, their everything. Cecil would ask a scientist if it's really possible to steal the sky, but he doesn't know any.

Huntokar is mad at his town, mad at his people, mad at him. Why else would she take the sky?

He knows she is going to kill them. He knows that this world will vanish and he will vanish along with it.

He can only hope that Huntokar will be merciful with the vanishing.

\--------------------

The fifth time Cecil thinks he's going to die, he is not the only one at stake.

His life is not the only life in his hands.

Or hand, since his right hand is pinned behind his back and handcuffed to his desk. He told Carlos to do it, told him to run if the worst happens.

He knows Carlos and Esteban are safe, and that is what keeps him locked here in the studio instead of being with his family.

He can hear all the voices. He knows the pilot is going to find him.

When the pilot does find him, he doesn't care about himself. His mind is on Carlos.

If he…. is gone, Carlos is still here.

Right?

\----------------------

The first time Cecil knows he has died, he is frightened.

The strange intern that hasn't said a word or even acknowledged his presence has left his wallet behind.

The identification in the wallet says it belongs to Cecil Palmer.

But he is Cecil Palmer. He can't exist in two places, as two separate existences, at once. At least, he hasn't been able to before.

Cecil finds the strange intern - himself - in the bathroom after the weather. He is staring in the mirror that Cecil swore never to look at.

He remembers what his intern self is saying. He heard it on the cassettes he destroyed.

Cecil is trying, trying so desperately to save this intern, save himself, but then he screams, and chokes, and-

And dies.

Cecil just watched his intern self die. He was only a teenager then, wasn't he?

Why did he let himself die?

\----------------------

The second time Cecil knows he has died, he is encouraging it.

Or maybe not encouraging it. He is just doing his job, isn't he? Is it not his job to narrate what is happening?

Is his reflection aware of what happens when he does this? Is he? Is he? Is he?

Is he himself? Is his reflection himself? He knows he and his reflection are not one and the same. They can't be. The encounter with the intern taught him that.

His reflection watches and narrates, as he did with the intern, as the creature digs into his throat. His reflection watches and narrates as he dies screaming.

As he will die every time he looks in a mirror.

Cecil can no longer recall how many times he has died.

Is he still dead or alive?

Is he?


End file.
